• Mr Bigleys

Part Deux: Think Terminal Cancer Is Tough? Try Being A Nurse (Corona Edition)

Updated: Mar 31, 2020

Months ago, I decided to ask the world a simple question: Is nursing harder to survive than terminal cancer? The question came to me after I had an epiphany: I didn't even know what my closest friends did for a living, yet I could tell you exactly what hospital Stacy from high school worked at, and precisely what she did that day.

"Why is this the case?" I asked myself. The answer: because, like a vegan, a nurse will let you know what they do at any opportunity. It's almost as if they thought they were hired in at a marketing position, only to find out they got misled into taking care of actual patients. And not just any kind of patient - One's with health problems. So, you could only imagine how they felt when this whole COVID-19 thing happened.

See, with the Corona Virus becoming a majority stakeholder in the world's mental real estate, I knew it was time for FaHoo to do its part to bring attention to the issue. Not because I actually care; I'm only writing about this for the same reason that I wrote about the Australian fires: to garner clicks. Just like then, I plan on using this global devastation as a way to bring attention to myself, but I digress.

When the Corona Virus pandemic started, my mind didn't jump to this ageist disease bodying the elderly like a prime Shaq playing in a senior citizen basketball league. I didn't overreact and apologize for purposely sneezing in the air like a human Febreze plug-in while yelling, "That's Corona!"

I didn't even think about all the people the disease would hopefully take out like those who stop in the middle of traffic circles, people who read horoscopes, simps that pay alumni fees, imbeciles who don't return their carts to the cart station, and the others I wrote about in my previous, completely not racist, population control article. And sure, was I a little spooked after realizing all the water bottles sold out forcing me to drink water from the tap like some sort of poor person? Yes, of course.

Despite all the things I should have been worrying about, though, the only thing in my head were the under-appreciated, over-worked nurses. This obviously wasn't by choice. I thought about it because I had nurse tweets shoved down my throat to consume. Similar to one of those aggressive face-fuck pornos that make you think, "I know they signed a waiver, but should I be concerned about this?"

There was really only one thing I could do in a situation like this: dive back into Twitter to help bring the focus back to those putting in the legwork. So hopefully, for one last time, I'll leave you with an update on the status of the nurses during this scary time:

Even though that last one says "healthcare workers" I'm going to assume she's a nurse because women can't be doctors....

That's sexist
Leveraging Corona for your benefit: A+ move
Oh shit, forgot this one
"I have to go to work"
"I have to go to work!!!"
"Yeah, but I have to work!!!!"

This dude's getting pussy tonight.

Thank a nurse. Ask them how their day was, or don't - They'll tell you either way.

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