UGH….It’s like every time I turn on the news, there’s a new group of people I’m expected to humanize. Black people were easy, seeing as though I wanted to be black most of my life and arguably still to this day...
Predictably, it didn't take long for women to get jealous and hop in, demanding that the attention be brought back onto them. It wasn't just few weeks ago that International Women's Day reminded us that these chicken heads are supposedly "more than three holes and two mommy milkers…"
It took me a while, but I eventually gave in to the whole "respecting women" thing. Following hours of self-reflection, I took my first step to changing my ways: By stopping the sexual harassment of the two women interns that work under me. That being said, I'll continue to sexually harass both of my women managers. There's no power dynamic there; That one's fair game. It would be sexist of me not to…
...then, out of the blue, the media starts telling me I'm now supposed to treat Asians with some decency? I mean, Caucasian Jesus Christ, who's next? Poor people? Is the HuffPost going to tell me I'm going to have to treat them as human beings too?
Listen - I'm not out of touch, I get it…I get that blindsiding Asian American's isn't exactly the "right thing to do." It doesn't take an ounce of courage to punch a person who can't even see…...you coming from behind. But just because there are mentally disturbed human beings (with IQs lower than my sperm cells) KO'ing Asian American's in San Fran shouldn't mean I all of a sudden have to start viewing Asians as people too. At least not in public...
See, I can remember a time when there was still a little bit of nuance to life. Like back in elementary when I first moved to Michigan and made friends with an Asian kid named Ming Quan (real name). We were in the same class, and our teacher would commonly use the threat of "The Chinese are going to take your jobs" if we were slacking.
Naturally, this would lead everyone to stare at Ming Quan, only to later wail on him at the soccer fields during recess. The teachers would try to stop us, but when we requested "10 minute" in reference to how long every Chinese restaurant takes to fulfill any sized order, they couldn't help but let out a chuckle.
...and sure, Ming Quan and I were friends, but he understood why I partook in what would now be labeled as a "hate crime." You know what I mean?….He got it….
To be fair, he would always give it right back to us. We would make fun of his eyes, and he would make fun of our aggressively low IQs. We would call him "chinky," his parents would call our black friend a n****r. We were just having fun.
Shit, now that I think about it, I've been treating Asian's as humans for most of my life. Maybe this won't be such a hard transition. When I worked at Oakley, for example, I never showed Asian customer's "Asian Fit" shades:
I only showed them the glasses that improperly fit their naturally flat nose bridge. Did they look good in those? Absolutely not. The glasses didn’t fit them for shit. But I wasn’t about to be accused of profiling.
I’ve also always taken pride in my ability to tell Asian’s apart. I never subscribed to the racist narrative that “all Asian’s look alike,” no matter the studies explaining why different races have issues with telling other races apart.
Fetishizing Asian women for the racist view that they’re “submissive?” Not me. I’m not one of these slobs trying to bring my hentai fantasy to real life. I fetishized Asian women for the right reason: their vaginas.
Still don't believe me? When other's were ignorantly "scared" of Asian's because of COVID, who chose to message an Asian girl on Tinder in the middle of the pandemic? You guessed it: Me....
So if it's not me - A heterosexual, closeted poor, admittedly douche bag white male - doing these hate crimes, then who exactly is behind these human atrocities? After doing some research, I think I found my answer: Transracists.
While scrolling through my step-father's site, Yahoo, I came across an article that piqued my curiosity. The headline read as such:
Naturally, my racist mind jumped to conclusions: It was a poor white. Being that I’m more of a “headline man” than a “read the whole story" type of guy, I would typically scroll on, assuming my prejudiced mind was correct. But the caption on the image called for further investigation: "Why you with that little d**k Asian n****r?"
Wouldn’t that insult, alone, be contradictory? Wouldn't that make this Asian man's dick, at the very least, average?
I clicked on the article and continued reading:
A black male? A black guy used a hard ‘R’ instead of a soft ‘A?’ But that’s when it clicked…This was no black man at all - HE’S A TRANSRACIST!
It was clear to me what the media chose to ignore. This man may have been black on the outside, but his soul identified as white. No black man would use a hard ‘R’ to demean a non-black ethnicity/race.
So I hopped back onto the interwebs to find some proof that would back my theory. Lucky for me, I was already on Yahoo. The proof for any “crazy conspiracy” was only ever a single click away. For this reason, it didn’t take long to find a credentialed backing to my theory: Jennifer Ho, professor of Asian American studies at the University of Colorado Boulder:
BOOM! These white supremacy demons have been burrowing their evil spirits into ethnicities across the nation: Just as I had suspected. White people are born with this aboriginal sin, but the fact that these racist devils have now inserted themselves into other races….why is the media not talking about this?
Media: It's time for you to step up and accept transracials and transracism. As for all the minorities unfortunate enough to have their souls taken over by the white devil, I SAY TO YOU: