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  • Mr Bigleys

White Protesters Claim Cultural Appropriation After Attempted School Shooting

Updated: Sep 20, 2019



A community is counting its blessings after a potential school shooter was taken down by a fast-thinking cafeteria lady this past Wednesday. It's not completely clear why the 47-year-old shooter, Barry Johnson, chose to target an elementary school. There are clues as to why after his family admitted that Barry has dealt with an array of mental health issues for nearly his entire life. His family added that it was common for Barry to throw peanuts at his nephew, who has a deadly peanut allergy, during family parties while yelling, "Darwinism would have taken care of you long ago!"


Despite there being no deaths or injuries during the attack, a group of 200 white people has assimilated outside of the school to protest. They claim the shooting is yet another clear example of cultural appropriation, being that Barry is an African American male.


FaHooNews.com reporters were on the scene to interview the protesters. In one instance, a man who goes by Steve, made the proclamation, "Massacring mass amounts of people have been my people's culture for centuries. It was my people who murdered the Native American's to take what was rightfully our land. My great grandfather massacred his own people during the Civil War to try and protect his property (better known as slaves then). And now, as a 6th generation white guy, I hope to one day continue that tradition and lose my shit the day I'm fired from work."


Another protester, Paul, shared a similar view declaring, "My people have allowed our culture to be appropriated for far too long. Caucasian-rooted sports like football, basketball, and even America's past-time, baseball, have been ransacked from our culture. We've been left with minor roles; Positions like owner, coach, referee, slot receiver, and 3-point specialist. Enough is enough! We have to stand up for what is ours. We will no longer allow for our culture to be used as some sort of trend. I'll be damned if I stand on the sideline and watch it be completely uprooted when school shootings are taken from us next. You leave that to us! And hockey...That's ours too."


Cultural appropriation has been a hot button topic in this new era. This isn't just an isolated situation. Back in 2017, nearly 25 white people vehemently protested the movie, Get Out, labeling Jordan Peele, a culture vulture for his vile attempt to steal the genre of horror from the whites.


So what's next? Well, thankfully, it finally looks like people are stepping up to the plate to call out these cultural parasites. California is planning on charging a bank robber with Cultural Appropriation after he stood up a bank while wearing a highly offensive Mexican mask. A local suburban dad was shamed out of his neighborhood after posting, what he claims was a 'funny' picture of him and his daughter stuck in a Chinese finger trap. Even large corporations are finally being held to the fire. IKEA recently apologized for a Jamaican Jerk Chicken meal after they basically sodomized the culture out of it.


When it comes down to it, ignorant critics will continue to say cultural appropriation is merely celebrating another's culture. Rather than take it as an insult, most should see it as a compliment toward one's lifestyle, so they say. Fuck that! I, Mr Bigleys, vow to continue to shame these bigots until they can't walk out of their front door. I want to wake up in the morning, knowing that I won't have to look at another ethnicity trying to wear dad shoes and short shorts. And they can wake up knowing that I'll never wear shorts below my knees or drink tea, a drink deeply rooted in Chinese culture. Keep fighting my warriors, and stay in your ethnic lane.