When you decide to toss an Instagram model a follow, you agree to take a journey with that person. You found her with a follower count in the low thousands, and watched her grow as a person, all while playing an instrumental role with their, now, 3 million followers. You sent this chick’s pictures to all your boys, so you deserve at least some of the credit.
When others were following established models, you were out scouting prospects on the explore page. You saw her potential and supported her journey to fame. You watched her evolve from just another hot chick to the full-blown IG Influencer that she is today. You were there when it was only bikini pics. You stuck with her when she instinctively took the next step in an influencer's life and joined that shitty smoothie pyramid scheme. Then came the "StacyIG" codes for a 15% discount from your first Fashionova purchase. Of course, like any relationship, things got dicey at certain points. You thought about leaving for a new model but ultimately decided to stick it out.
Things continued to progress, and her followers started to ask what her workout routine was. In the blink of an eye, she entered her fit chick stage. You were there for every squat, lunge, and occasional lat pulldown. Her video edits, in the beginning, were shabby at best, but she eventually found the perfect bubbly font and peach emoji for her butt day videos.
Somewhere along the line, things started to get serious. Every post has links to each article of clothing that she sports. When you go to her profile to reminisce on the old days, you notice she's changed her bio. Her page was categorized as a "Personal Blog," but with the massive amount of exposure she's received, she now considers herself a "Public Figure." Even her personal email for business inquiries has been replaced with the contact information of a modeling agency that represents her. You feel emotional: Your little smoke show is really growing up.
Things are going great, and your relationship is as strong as ever. She's not only blue check certified but also posting professionally edited photos, making her look better than ever.
But then…Then it happens. You receive the news that no male follower wants to get: Your favorite IG model announces she's pregnant, and — based on the caption — it looks like she's keeping it.
You always knew this day was a possibility, but you never really thought it would ever happen. How could she betray you like this, jeopardizing everything you two built together? We were mere months away from the YouTube Vlogger phase.
Then, it happens; Endless questions begin to fill your head. "Is she going to shoot for that lingerie company that she signed with before she begins to show? What's going to happen to her feed?"
Fear strikes you to your core. Are you willing to stick through the inevitable naked maternity photos; The nine straight months of baby bump updates? Is she going to take the IG route of constantly updating you about her pregnancy, or is she still going to post throwbacks from when she was hot?
"Oh, FUCK." You realize that this won't just end after the baby is born. Birth can only mean one thing: a child. And what does that child bring with it? Brave and POWERFUL breastfeeding pictures.
You go to click the unfollow button, but you can't get yourself to go through with it. You make the courageous decision to stick it out. Now's not the time to cut off support; Not while she's pregnant.
Months go by, and the quality of posts has gradually gotten worse and worse. She has the gender reveal: it's a girl. The baby is guaranteed to have her own IG page within the first three months of life, but that profile won't bring you any value for at least 18 more years. Your IG model begins to post more and more with her husband/boyfriend/baby daddy. You're no idiot; you knew there was another man in her life. You don't get jealous; you just preferred she would keep him off her page. Like Donald Sterling – You don't care if she hangs out with those people (other guys) in her free time, all you ask is that she doesn't make such a public spectacle out of it all.
Then, out of the blue, she hits you with an ass picture:
You don't recognize it and know it's new. REJOICE! She still got that FAT 'OL booty. But what about the pregnancy? What happened to the kid? Maybe this is just an old picture she never posted. You then swipe left:
Ahhh fuck. You realize it’s over, unfollow her, and officially move on to the next bitty. All those years of supporting bikini after bikini picture, thrown out of the window. You even stuck up for her when you're real life, much less attractive girlfriend, got mad at you for liking all of her pictures. All of this for nothing.
The child added a new angle to the relationship. All of a sudden, your IG queen wants to show you her human side, but that's not what you signed up for. When you began this journey together, starting a family was never in the plans. She was supposed to be hot, and in return, you would shower her with likes and clout. Then, finally, when things were clicking on all cylinders, she just had to go and fuck it all up.
You want to blame her for being selfish, but deep down you know it's only natural for relationships like these to grow apart. Her pictures that were once filled with comments from fellow IG creeps describing what they would do to get up in that ass, are now replaced by women commenting about their own pregnancies and relating to the everyday struggles of being a super mom — the hardest job in the world (Nurse’s punching their screens).
After you two go your separate ways, her posts still occasionally come across your IG explore page. You've moved on to a new, 20-year-old who's struggling to decide between the fit chick path or focusing more on her "lifestyle." Despite your new IG model being a complete dime piece, you often think about what you used to have. No matter how it ended, you'll always still care for her. You find comfort in holding out hope that one day, she'll pull a Larsa Pippen and get a nasty divorce resulting in a fresh set of thirst traps. Until then, you pray your new girl doesn't get knocked up. Really, what else is there to do?
