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  • Mr Bigleys

Trigger Trash Deliver Trump Trash in Sick Burn

Updated: Aug 2, 2019

Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, Gandhi, Tank Man, the Dalai Lama, Nelson Mandela. What do all these people have in common? They were revolutionaries. These people were willing to do whatever it took, so that their message was heard. MLK was murdered for his dream, Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for years for his, the Tank Man was willing to be run over by a tank, and Rosa Parks sat down. Oh yeah, and the Dalai Lama for whatever he did, I’m honestly not really sure but he seems like a super chill dude.


Who is the modern day equivalent of these heroes? Is it Kaepernick? I would say no. All he did was fail to be able to run a successful RPO after his first year and steal Rosa Parks idea and slightly alter it. He’s the Vanilla Ice to Rosa Parks, Queen. The answer: Democratic California lawmakers Jackie Speier and Jared Huffman. The two brought ’Trump Trash’ straight to the White House and like, everyone is so freaking the fuck out about it, and like, can you blame them??


Ms. Speier and Mr. Huffman explained that they took time out of their own Shutdown 2k19 Vacay to volunteer on, as they explain it, "a rainy Saturday in San Francisco," to help clean up the Golden Gate Recreation area and the overflowing trash caused by the shutdown. Mother always told me to keep my charity work to myself because if you were doing charity/volunteer work and talking about it, then you were just doing it for yourself. Then again, Mother used to beat me with a lamp and tell me that was the brightest thing that would ever come out of my head. Anyhow, the Senators made quite the statement. They marched down the pathway with a blue trash can with the name, “Trump Trash” spelled out with black electronic tape. The trash can was filled to the top with not one, but TWO cardboard boxes (not crushed). And now I'm going to start a new paragraph because I don't actually understand proper writing techniques...


It was one of the most historic displays of courage in American history. In their words, this march was to show that this government shutdown has “real world implications.” According to Speier, TSA agents are calling in sick and it’s not because they’re sick; It’s because they’re not getting paid. Great…now who’s going to stop Muhammad from, “SIR YOU MUST TAKE YOUR LAPTOP OUT OF YOUR BACKPACK AND PUT IT IN IT’S OWN SEPARATE CONTAINER. SIR WERE YOU NOT LISTENING TO THE SPEECH I GAVE EARLIER. REMOVE ALL METAL OBJECTS FROM YOUR BODY AND PLACE THEM IN A CONTAINER. THAT MEANS YOUR WALLET, KEYS, BELT, ANYTHING THAT CONTAINS METAL. ALSO, TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF. SIR YOU CANNOT PUT ALL OF THAT INTO A SINGLE CONTAINER YOU MUST HAVE ANOTHER CONTAINER. SIR DO NOT GET OUT OF LINE TO GET ANOTHER CONTAINER USE YOUR MIND TO LEVITATE IT OVER HERE OR ELSE WE WILL NEED TO SEARCH YOU. SIR, PLEASE STEP TO THE SIDE. SIR, WHAT IS THAT IN YOUR BAG? SIR YOU CANNOT CARRY ANY SHAMPOO OVER 3.4 OUNCES. SIR, PLEASE STEP INTO THE PRIVATE ROOM TO THE SIDE HERE WE NEED TO DO AN ANAL CAVITY SEARCH.” Anyhow, Speier talks about TSA agents not showing up is a major security issue. Border patrol agents are also working without pay. Speier mentions that they will become financially insecure. How do we expect our border patrol to keep these Mehicans from tkin all er jerbs if they’re a bunch of insecure pussies? Not her exact words but she implied it, which she’s right for. Uhhh...new paragraph:


Then right when Stepfather’s (Yahoo) video is getting good, it gets better. A man with a MAGA hat on, in a neck brace, and wearing a Jewish scarf(?) appears and challenges the senators. Mr. Huffman then totally throws so much shade at the guy by saying, like, and I’m paraphrasing, “Like bruh, the trash we picked up is enough to build a wall at the border my mans.” LOLz. At this point, we can only pray for a hero, a hero like Chrissy Teigen. Mrs. Teigen we know Fahoo may or may not have accused you of being kind of Anti-Semitic but we need you do make that tweet that, like, totally calls out Trump. WE NEED YOU. Name of the father John, the son Miles, and the Holy Spirit Luna, Teigen.




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