It’s been a tough 2018 for the Jews. As discussed in previous articles celebrities have been attacking the Jew’s in unprecedented fashion, well, besides that whole holocaust thing. Fahoo recently exposed Chrissy Teigen as a possible anti-semitic after her controversial gummy bear tweet. Prince Harry’s ex-bae, the neo nazi’s, appeared in the headlines bringing up old shit between them. It’s unbelievable that at the time of this post, 25% of Fahoo’s articles this year have been dedicated to exposing the continued crusade against Jews. But there’s still time in 2018 for one more story. Superstar basketball player, LeBron James, publicly posted an Instagram story for his mission to steal all of the Jewish money. This comes as a surprise to many given James’ reputation to always say the right thing. But sometimes we have to face the harsh reality that LeBron will never live up to Michael Jordan as the GOAT. There's really no argument about it. LeBron is 3-6 in the Finals. I don’t care how many times he made it to the Finals in a row, the guy was playing against one of the shittiest conferences in the history of the NBA. Most of the time he played a team in the first round that didn’t even go .500. Let’s be real. On top of that, we’re pretty sure LeBron hates Jews.
In the Instagram video LeBron James shares the lyrics to 21 Savage’s song ASMR which go, “We been getting that Jewish money, Everything is Kosher.” But everything is not Kosher, LeBron. James shared this video to his over 45 million followers, a comparable size to that of, for comparing purposes only, Germany during WWII. Doug Ellin, world-renowned Jew and the creator of HBO’s “Entourage,” criticized James saying, “This is an anti-Semitic stereotype used for centuries to foster hatred against Jews.” Ellin is absolutely right. What kind of no moral, ignorant piece of shit do you have to be to play on these stereotypes that have caused legitimate genocides? Ellin could have easily used a stereotype to push his hit show, “Entourage.” What if he were to write in a stereotypical Jewish character, let's say one that has a stereotypical name like, I don’t know, Ari Gold. And let's pretend like he wrote this character as being a power hungry, money grabbing Jew that is the agent for the main character. What if that character existed? And what if this hypothetical Ari Gold character said things during hypothetical episode 11 of season 5 like, “The Jew has arrived and he doesn’t like Germans,” speaking about a hypothetical German director that is tarnishing Vince’s good name. Imagine that. Sure this Ari Gold character could get laughs and potentially become the best part of the entire series, but Ellin isn’t going to drop his morals to make a dollar. Without people like Ellin, the good Jewish God only knows what would be of the Jewish community in 2018.
But Fahoo News wasn’t done digging. We’re fucking CAT Excavators. LeBron formerly played for the Cleveland Cavaliers, a team with the owner by the name of Dan Gilbert. James notoriously hated Gilbert, refusing to even give the guy a high five after game winners. Many reported that much of his disdain towards Gilbert was because of a letter he wrote to James after he left Cleveland for the Miami Heat the first time. There were also times where it was reported that James didn’t appreciate the way the Cavaliers organization was run. But what was it really? What made James so passive aggressive on Twitter. What was it about Gilbert that sparked a burning animosity from LeBron causing him to spin into an addiction to cabernets. We’re talking about a man who picked LeBron straight out of high school with the first pick in one of the most loaded drafts in the history of the NBA. Gilbert is the man who paid LeBron over $165 million during his time in the Land, that’s Cleveland, not Jerusalem. But there lies the truth! Dan Gilbert is another loaded Jew. In LeBron’s mind that wasn’t just $165 million, that was 165 million jew dollars. He was stealing that Jewish money. How else could it be explained that a man who was supposed to be better than Jordan only won 1 championship in the 11 seasons that he was in Cleveland for? Jordan, by comparison, won 6 championships in 13 seasons with the Bulls. That’s because Jordan loved and respected the Jewish owner of the Bull’s and White Sox, Jerry Reinsdorf. In fact Jordan respected the man so much that he stepped away from basketball in his prime to go help out the financially struggling White Sox affiliate, the Birmingham Barons. This proves to show that LeBron didn’t actually earn that $165 million, he committed robbery. He didn’t want a Jewish man like Dan Gilbert to get the satisfaction in winning. LeBron’s hate towards the Jewish community is so deeply rooted that he was willing to smear the reputation of both himself and Dan Gilbert, all while collecting that Jewish money.
So it’s time for the all-powerful Fahoo News to step in and correct what is wrong. While the USA is out policing the world, Fahoo is policing the in between our borders. Earlier this month we successfully implemented the official day to bully a local bus stop on December 15th. And there just so happens to be time to begin one last movement. 2019 is officially the year of the Jew. Fahoo is happy to announce that we will be converting to Judaism. Please respect our wishes to go by our new name: Fahoo Newstein. Our website will still be Fahoonews.com because I already spent the money to buy that domain. Hopefully, by becoming a Jew I’ll be let in on some of that Jewish money that’s talked about and I can buy the domain FahooNewstein.com as well. We’re excited to see what's to come for the Jewish community in 2019. We hope that B'ezrat HaShem (with God’s Help for you non-jews) that even the morally inferior like Goals AF Chrissy Teigen and LeBron James will come around support a group of people that they once hated. With that, mazal tov and Happy Hanukah!
