My NBA 2K Player is Racist for Insensitive Use of Blackface

This will be, by far, the hardest Fahoo article I’ve written to date. It took a lot of soul searching and understanding what kind of person I am. I’ve read thousands upon thousands of Yahoo articles containing the most savage clap backs, throwing shade, and most woke moments the news had to offer. After all this time I thought I knew myself. But after I’ve read two recent Yahoo articles about the use of blackface, I began to think back on my own past and at that exact moment, I had an epiphany: I’m a recovering Black Faceaholic.

I hate to say this myself but, it takes someone with an incredible amount of courage and a giant sack of nuts to reveal to all 20 FaHoo Instagram followers, the addiction that I’m going through. Honestly, I’m so brave for this…

I always saw it as honoring most of the heroes that I looked up to my whole life. Growing up, I was an enormous basketball fan. I played basketball my entire life. Outside of basketball, I enjoyed playing the popular NBA 2K video game series. One of my favorite parts of the game was being able to create my own player. But that's when it hit me. My entire life I was giving my player blackface.

It took me nearly 25 years to realize what I was doing was wrong. And I want to make this clear because the truth had to come out eventually… That’s right readers, Mr. Bigleys, the creator of FaHoo is, in fact, a white male I realize this comes as a shock to you all, but stop making this about yourselves and let's focus back on me.

Growing up and learning to love basketball was hard as a young white male. Just imagine being born with an immediate disadvantage. I’m talking about being white and playing basketball. The NBA consists of 74.4% black players compared to the minority 23.3% of white players. Who was I supposed to look up to? Brent Barry? Jason Kapono? And don’t say, Steve Nash, he’s not white he’s Canadian. So of course, I naturally levitated to the African American NBA players (AKA the good players). I was Michael Jordan’s biggest fan. His posters covered my room wall to wall. Obviously, I played with the idea of being a fan of a white player throughout my life. I went through periods of loving Duke because their best player was sometimes white. It gave me a spark of hope. We’re talking about white Duke legends like Christian Laettner, Jon Scheyer, JJ Redick, and Grant Hill. But in the end, I always levitated back to my favorite African American players like MJ, AI, CP3, and Larry Bird.

With my appreciation of black basketball players, came my disgusting use of blackface and other forms of cultural appropriation. I mean, sure it was a little odd to see a 5’ 10” black player with blonde spiked hair hitting LeDouchebag James with a Sham God, behind the back, only to spin back left and YAM following a pristine T-Bag on LeDoucheBag James upon releasing the rim. Besides MyPlayer's freak athleticism, I tried to keep the gear more conservative so to not offend any 60 year old white men: Two full arm sleeves, a sweatband over the right arm sleeve, a headband with the NBA logo in the back, tights (before the NBA outlawed them), a sweatband over the tights on my left leg, and of course, Air Jordan shoes which I bought with the 2K coins purchased from my father's credit card.

So here is my pledge as a recovering Black-Faceaholic: I, Mr Bigleys, will no longer give my 2K player virtual blackface. He will now have pale white skin that burns when we play on the 3v3 outdoor courts online for 2K. His athleticism will top out at a 65/100 but, his shooting abilities will be off the fucking charts. He won’t be able to dribble, but he’ll make smart basketball decisions, like pass the ball to someone else. My 2K player will sit in the corner waiting for his chance to catch and shoot a 3 as well as dive for loose balls and take fouls so that our good players don’t foul out. When the game is over, win or lose, I will message each and every player on the opposite team and compliment them on their skills. I will then send friend requests to my own teammates and explain to them that even though I’m only averaging 1.5 PPG, my Teammate Rating is at an impeccable A-. I am Mr Bigleys and I will no longer hide behind virtual blackface. I will now, and forever, right my wrongs. Thank you, I am so brave.