• Mr Bigleys

Is Amy Schumer in Bed with the NFL?

Updated: Dec 22, 2018

The NFL has had its fair share of issues threatening the financial strength of the league. Things like concussions, rule changes, allowing a boxing league for NFL players and their spouses, and more than anything, Kaepernick. Even with all of this, the major sports media like ESPN and FOX continue to be blind to the NFL’s biggest threat: Amy Schumer and her stinky VAGINA. Just kidding! I’m just kidding, that’s just an ode to the legendary comic.


Amy has recently gone public with her protest of the Super Bowl in support of Colin Kaepernick. Amy herself has done 2 Super Bowl commercials in the past, which she admits in her post (humble brag). These would have to be fact checked but Fahoo believes they were both Summer Eve Cleansing Wash commercials. AHHAHA IM JUST KIDDING IT WAS ANOTHER VAGINA JOKE. Back to back Vajayjay jokes just like our girl, Amy. Many have doubted Schumer’s influence over others but the results have shown for themselves. Amy’s a bigger problem than any of us thought. Those doubts remained until Rihanna, the GOAT, turned down the opportunity. In Suzy Byrne’s Yahoo article, Fahoo’s Stepfathers Editor, a source close to Rihanna said that the singer “stands with the players and Colin Kaepernick.” Well, technically….technically kneels but stepfather knows best.


Amy then went to Instagram, an app designed around the use of images, to post multiple screenshots of her notes explaining her thoughts on the situation. Some would argue Twitter, the app created to share your thoughts in words, would be the better choice for a post like this but that’s neither here nor there. Amy threw major shade at white sports reporters. In the post Schumer said, “You can write about sports and even be the best at it but what have you done to help the marginalized or under-represented?” And to summarize the selected Instagram responses selected by stepfather, YAASSSS GURL! Suck it (Insert white reporter who may even be the best at it).


Wait…we’re just getting news that Maroon 5, a band with all 6 studio albums going platinum, has teamed up with Travis Scott whose last album, ASTROWORLD, went double platinum, to perform at the…the…the Super Bowl?


BREAKING: Recent comments made by Amy have been criticized as being racist. After further digging into Amy’s previous comments, a major racist undertone has been discovered. How could we be so stupid to believe our stepfather, Yahoo? Amy’s comments about making a difference that resulted in no musical artists stepping up for the Super Bowl is so obviously racist. How could someone as privileged as an Anglo-Saxon Amy Schumer, whose net worth has been set at $16 million, take credit for two black female’s decisions not to play at the Super Bowl? A white and privileged Amy Schumer has the balls to take credit for the decisions of Rihanna and Cardi B? Rihanna, who grew up poor with a crack cocaine addicted father in Barbados, and Cardi B, who also grew up poor in the South Bronx, are strong women who can both make their own decisions, Amy. And that’s not even where the racism ends. Think about this: Amy made the comment questioning white reporters and what they’ve done to help the marginalized and underrepresented. On the surface level, you would think she was talking about the minorities of the United States. But that’s far from the truth. She’s talking about the 28% of white players that make up NFL rosters compared to the 68% of African Americans. Are you kidding me, Amy? Of all the advantages white males have in the United States you’re going to bring up one of the only examples that contradict this? You’re honestly disgusting.

Amy even left quoted Gloria Steinem, legendary Playboy Bunny and feminist, that said: “Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke.” And I agree. I also didn’t want to bring up the following quote but when I heard the disgraceful news it left me with no choice. Amy Schumer gleamingly said "One, I have no gag reflex, two, I can fly ... Guess how I convinced the crew to let me fly for no reason? Because the first superpower is real.” I always thought vagina jokes were your thing. After all this, though, I’m beginning to think there’s a lot we don’t know about you, Schumer. They say you should never meet your heroes but, I fear that it’s just too late.


NFL's Undercover Agent: Amy Schumer


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