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  • Writer's pictureMr Bigleys

How The Largest Protest Was Created By A Dog

Protesting is currently one of America's fastest-growing industries. From January 2017 to October 2017, 4,296 protests consisting of 5,402,011 people took place within the United States, alone. Still, this number is presumed to be a massive understatement. In a time where the unemployment rate is at a mere 3.7%, it's incredible that these protests are even possible. The underlying issue of protester supply and demand showed itself this week during one of the largest protests in modern history.

The protests began on a Tuesday morning at the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) shelter located in New York, New York. A watchdog group (a term that has since been canceled) was planning on protesting the ASPCA for their continued enabling of dogs.

See, dogs have been tip-toeing to being canceled for years now. Their continued sexual abuse goes unchecked and is even seen as humorous in some bigot-filled friend groups. The final straw really, was when numerous dogs were seen associating with known white nationalists on Instagram.

Of course, dog's aren't the first thing that the supremacists have taken from the public to make their own symbols of racism. They've been accredited with taking over MAGA hats, Don't Tread on Me shirts, Pepe the Frog, the circle game, and even Equinox and Soul Cycle. So when dogs decided to associate themselves with these scumbags, it was time to draw the line.

As the watchdog group marched to protest the ASPCA and their mission of protecting dogs, they were met by a group of PETA protesters protesting their protest. And this is where it begins to get tricky...

Many of the watchdog's members were also PETA members. This left those people in quite the limbo. Some chose to take PETA's side while other's stayed to fight the good fight.

The leader of the watchdog group had luckily anticipated this potential problem and had joined forces with a women's rights group due to dog's notorious history of sexually abusing women's legs.

Of course, this would not go unnoticed or unanticipated by white nationalist and the Proud Boys, who decided to meet those protests with a protest of their own protesting the protest. Are you following?

Obviously, this left PETA in quite the situation when they were forced to distance themselves from the white nationalists, even though they were technically fighting for the same cause.

All of a sudden, ANTIFA appeared on the scene with a protest of their own, supporting the watchdogs protest protesting the ASPCA, while also protesting PETA and the Proud Boys. Things then climbed to another level once the Westboro Church showed up in support of the watchdog group due to their belief that no one should house, "Homo dogs."

As the watchdog group began to distance themselves from the Westboro Church protests, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) and "The Squad" took the opportunity to protest Barstool Sports because of their anti-union stance. She also joined the watchdog party's protest protesting the ASPCA. She did so because the Cash App gives $5 to the ASPCA when they sign up for the app through Barstool, a company that they sponsor.

In the end, 15,000 protesters filled the streets. It's been called "the largest protest never to get anything done." We had the watchdog group protesting the ASPCA, who were being protested by PETA, who was distancing themselves from The Proud Boys, who were supporting the Westboro Church's stance on gay dogs while also protesting the watchdog group who was being supported by the women's rights group, who also had members in ANTIFA who ended up protesting ASPCA, Barstool, and the Proud Boys.

But even after all of this, so many questions still remain...How did such a large group of people manage not to accomplish a single thing in 8 hours of protesting? Who will be the brave souls to take up the profession of protesting to fill the demand of protesters? Being that the Cash App is owned by Twitter, are all these protests just a grand scheme created to increase the use of the Twitter product?

After reporting on this incredible protest, one thing was clear...Seagulls are racist bigots for historically choosing to live in predominately white beach towns leaving pigeons to survive in the inner city. As a result of this, hereby cancels seagulls.

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