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  • Mr Bigleys

How the Anti-Abortion Movement is Causing More Instances of Domestic Terrorism

Abortion has long been a touchy subject. The opinion's on abortion appears to be split down the middle. Pro-Life argues on the basis that abortion is killing a living being. Pro-Choice believes it can be a much more complicated situation with issues like rape, incest, and telling a female what they can and cannot do with their bodies. Abortion, though, has once again made headlines after Alabama has, virtually, made abortion completely illegal, no matter the circumstances.


New paragraph. It’s an incredibly complex issue that may have no right answer. The Alabama ruling could have major implications on the legality of abortion across the nation. It challenges Roe vs. Wade. How? Not sure, Bigleys honestly thought Roe vs. Wade had to do with racism. But I’ve heard of the case and I took a law class so I know setting precedents are like, a SUPER big deal. But Mr Bigleys can see both sides of the argument. What if that aborted baby was the person who was going to cure cancer? What if it was the next Einstein, Bach, Picasso, Michael Jordan, or another famous woman? But, what happens if that baby ends up on the wrong side of things? What if the baby is born into a broken family, is a result of a rape, or has a disability that will destroy its quality of life? Even worse, what if that baby becomes one of those people that can’t walk their grocery cart 10 goddamn feet to the cart station?


That’s right readers, this has nothing to do with abortion and everything to do with anti-carters. I used the classic bait and switch on you. Put up a controversial headline only to write about something else. We’ve been shaming the wrong people! I don’t care if this James Charles guy is turning straight dudes gay. So what the Game of Thrones writers ruined the last season. I could give two shits about Trumps last Tweet. We need to focus on these cart monsters.


I like to consider myself a relatively progressive thinker so I don’t want to completely attack these peasants. Perhaps its some sort of mental illness that turns these people into borderline neanderthals. Maybe there's some kind of drug or therapy that can allow these sub-humans to become a productive part of society. But, until we figure that out, it’s time that we treat these people like the domestic terrorists that they are. No longer will America accept leaving land mines throughout the Kroger’s of America. What kind of sick fuck can’t park their cart in the cart station? You just walked your fat ass through the grocery store for the past hour. You’re telling Bigleys you can’t take the extra 15 seconds it takes to walk your cart to the cart station? That cart is nowhere near the handicap spots so I know your legs work, fuck head. Oh, was your Cadillac Escalade too big to walk the cart around? Is that what the cart kid gets paid for? Please, GOD, allow this person to take a Boeing 737 Max on their next trip to Hawaii. It would be a real shame if their Tesla got confused and drove itself into that highway barrier. Honestly, do you sleep on your cell phone every night? Do you only eat raw, Tyson chicken?


Anyhow, America is in a weird place right now. There are many who believe our great nation is crumbling. They believe in taking extreme measures like impeaching Trump. But these people are misled. Let's take lessons learned from Trump’s own home state and attorney, Rudy Giuliani. What Bigleys is talking about is the famous Broken Window Theory.

The idea is simple. According to Wikipedia, “The broken windows theory is a criminological theory that states that visible signs of crime, anti-social behavior, and civil disorder create an urban environment that encourages further crime and disorder, including serious crimes.” Small steps like fixing broken windows, ridding of graffiti, cleaning up sidewalks, and sending anti-carters to Guantanamo Bay on charges of domestic terrorism can all make a huge difference.


Now, Bigleys isn’t like these Alabama politicians. I realize that this issue isn’t just black and white. There may be times when there’s snowfall and Grandma risks slipping and being injured. Perhaps the old man forgot his cane and was using the cart as a walker of some sorts. FINE. Just don’t forget that cane again. And check the weather, GRANDMA, it’s not like you’re doing shit all day. For the rest of the anti-carters, we can only pray that you live in a progressive state because God knows your offspring is not what this world needs...




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