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  • Writer's pictureMr Bigleys

How A False Prophet Was Born

When I decided to start half-assing my real job - full-time - so I could focus more on my journalism dreams, I had the purest of intentions. I was tired of watching Fox News and CNN skew details and ultimately make up news stories so they could control the narrative. The job of the media is to present facts, and allow the public to form their own opinion - or so I thought. After my most recent article, This Honest LinkedIn User Is A National Hero, I now see why the corporate news and big Government don't trust us to form opinions on our own. The general public is not to be left with their own thoughts because the general public, is in fact, a bunch of 'R' words (retards).

To bring you up to speed, let's go back to December 31st, 2019. It was the end of a decade, and I was sitting at my house, pretending someone was going to call me with NYE plans. As the phone sat there silent, my writing muse presented a highly intricate idea. What if I were to create fake LinkedIn posts that would humorously expose the unadulterated bullshit I see every day on the platform? "GENIUS," I thought. I quickly opened my laptop, took 5 mg of a Skittle (drugs), and got to work.

My fingers could barely keep up with the thoughts spewing out of my head. I wrote six fake posts that I decided on and chose the name Jason Karleiski for my bogus person. When I finished writing the posts, I had an overwhelming sense of self-worth, leading to a celebratory hit of the weed pen. I then parlayed this into a whiskey drink. When I made it back to my workstation to finish the graphics, drink in hand, I got a little frisky and took another puff of the trippy pen.

"Fuck," I thought, "I got too fucking high again. Where are my eye drops? Is it worth getting up to check if I'm sitting on them? Wait, what was I doing? Oh yeah, breathing. Did I forget my drink? Oh, no, nevermind, it's right next to me. Maybe I should try and pick a good song. Holidae Inn by Chingy? Sure. Whatever happened to Chingy? I gotta Google it. A Buzzfeed article from 2014? That works. OHHHH WHAT THE FUCK BUZZFEED? Nobody wants to read this much about fucking Chingy. Forget it."

Just like that, I had wasted 40 minutes researching Chingy, and I was still yet to find my eye drops. I began to panic. Again, I took another drag to calm my nerves.

At this point, I could see the WiFi waves feeding internet to my laptop. It was time I get back to work. Rather than simply making an actual LinkedIn profile on the site, creating the posts, and screenshotting them, I decided to take the most challenging route possible. I made all the posts on Photoshop from scratch like the blue-collar man I am. That or I was too high to think about a single concept for longer than 25 seconds at a time. Now, does this have anything to do with what this story will eventually become? Not really. I just wanted to give you a little "behind the scenes" on how this well-oiled machine runs, but I digress.

I eventually posted my new article to Reddit under the r/recruitinghell subreddit. Due to my principle of never showing Reddit any sort of legitimate respect whatsoever, I bypassed reading the rules and went straight to posting. This would ultimately lead to being barred from my 8th subreddit to date, but fuck it.

Luckily, before resident Reddit snitch u/BlindNowhereMan could expose me as a phony, an influx of comments had already amassed. The conversation got out of control fast. What started as a way to get a few laughs turned into something so much more. Somehow, my fake character evoked laughs, fits of anger, and PTSD-esque memories. I even think Jason Karleiski became a cult-leader for a moment. Either way, what you're about to read is graphic for Reddit virgins. Although it's hard to believe, these posts were in no shape or form, edited. These people, for better or for worse, exist…

Potential Cult Members
The best 3 comments of the entire thread
This is what the narrator will say for the opening scene of my biopic if things go wrong - Directed by Martin Scorsese

You really don't have to read these next 3 images
Basically a conversation 2 strangers have blackout drunk at a bar, only to never see each other again
Ruth doesn't understand burden of proof according to Legacy
Snitch that ended it all
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