Mr Bigleys
Enough of the Fat Shaming: Being Fat Is Phat, Yo.
In today's day and age, the societal views and conversations surrounding "obesity" radiate's negativity. Contrary to popular belief, this hasn't always been the case. It wasn't long ago when carrying a few extra (hundred) lbs was a representation of something positive. Yet, things like social media, cable, "accepted" sciences, and bigoted members of the patriarchy have brainwashed America into stigmatizing obesity, therefore demeaning members of the overweight coalition to push a self-serving narrative.
Luckily, the tides appear to be turning, this time, in the right direction. The cancerous thinking that once belittled the obese has come to a screeching halt. We will no longer condone hiding those suffering from a fatty sufficiency in the hypothetical double-wide walk-in closet of life. It's time that we slide the doors open and free the 42% of tightly packed obese American's so that they can return to being proud of their heritage. It's time we say, being fat is phat, yo!

Over the past hundred years or so, certain information has been systematically suppressed and erased from our history books. The fascists in charge of recording America’s past-time only like to include what they view as beneficial to the patriarchy. But somewhere hidden underneath this muffin top overhang is where you'll find proof of the high status that plumpness used to carry. Similar to obesity, no matter how much fat they try to trim from our past, the colossal calves of history that once bore its weight will always be a telltale sign of what was previously there. During this article, we’ll nip and tuck the excess skin from America's history to show you what truly lies beneath.
Visit any museum and look at the renaissance paintings; what do you find? Flawless, scale pushing women:

There’s a good reason for this. With just a little research, you’ll find examples across the globe, proving that being husky was a sign of beauty, prosperity, wealth, and health. While sickly poor people starved, the robust noble’s proudly showed off their privileged gut.

Even fat camps that were once a place of pride...

...are now shrouded in shame, used as fronts for physical torture:



How could it be that - without globalization, as we know it today - societies worldwide still shared this similar belief? I'd argue that it's in our genetic code. Proof? Look no further than myself.
When heavily intoxicated, it's natural for one's survival instincts to kick in. If my phone is dead, I'll always find a way home no matter how blackout I may be. That same sense of survival goes for luscious women. Society tells me to talk to the skinny blonde at the bar, but my animalistic instinct pulls me in the other direction. It's not the last minute, 1:57 AM desperation as my toxic masculine friends label it. It's a call from nature. As a human, I'm genetically predisposed to see prosperity, an abundance of food, and a warm crevice in her memory foam mattress to sink into.

So when did this universal cultural staple go on a diet? I became obsessed with finding the answer. After a third straight weekend of intoxicated research, I decided to do some digging into when or why our natural inclination for porking porkers became so frowned upon. I took to Google to find what I was looking for:

Immediately, I found the authoritarian heterosexual male patriarchy trying to hide the ugly truth. Their use of "health-conscious" propaganda ran rampant, ranging from pseudo-science to homophobia.


This, of course, was nothing more than a Lane Bryant sized parka to cover the truth. I tried my hand at hundreds of search terms, but it was clear that they were two steps ahead, attempting to snuff out the truth:



I was shocked. How was this possible? Had they scrubbed the internet clean of any proof of guilt? My persistence wouldn't let me quit, so I trekked on. After spending hours Googling keywords that were most likely to find the answer that backed my beliefs, I finally got a hit:

It was exactly as I expected: White heterosexual males. Leave it to these cockalorums to find a way to bring down others while elevating themselves. Look around, and you’ll see what I’m saying. While society demeans overweight women for their looks, we celebrate Anglo-Saxon portly men like Chris Christie, viewing his moose knuckle as a sign of power, health, and wealth.

The NAAFP (National Association to…
…Advance Fat Acceptance) contextualizes this hate best in a recent HuffPo article:

Obesity is more than heart disease, diabetes, gout, and high blood pressure. It’s symbolic of how hard we worked to earn this affluent lifestyle. Nobody gets as big as us without putting in the calories. You don’t get fat by being lazy.
Luckily for us, a few brave souls are fighting against these sociopaths, reimagining what it means to be fat. Early on, slightly overweight women like Ashley Graham started to gain more fame in the modeling world, redefining beauty standards.

But that skinny bitch didn’t represent what a healthy, prosperous woman’s body should look like - at least not here. This is America; We deserve better, and more importantly, bigger. As the most prosperous empire this world has ever seen, we need people who actually represent our values. To ditch the negative connotations that society places upon these survivors, we had to size up. Thankfully, fearless giants have mustered up the energy to stand up and make a public stance. These hero’s include people like Tess Holiday:


But the most well-known advocate is rapper, Lizzo. Her curvy figure serves as an ode to what we stand for as American’s. While other nations crumble to the societal pressures of poverty and moderation, we SUPERSIZE.

In a recent Yahoo article, Lizzo described the movement in the only way a true American can:

People like Tess and Lizzo have empowered those around them. For years, doctors have told me that I needed to lose weight. "Go for a 5 minute walk," they'll say. I felt shamed. They made me feel as though this was my fault, framing my excess weight as a bad thing. With the words to describe my feelings evading me, I felt powerless. Until now: Being fat is normal.
It's time that we make this country feel uncomfortable again. The American people need to experience that same feeling when you squeeze into those 48 waist jeans before Thanksgiving dinner, knowing damn well you have no place wearing anything under a 50. The world needs to see what a natural, untamed body looks like...and that's when it clicked: What better way to show this than with the help of the most iconic American brand the world has ever seen: McDonald's.
With the relaunch of their signature meals, now's the time to reintroduce something bigger than us. Travis Scott and J. Baldwin are unattainable, anorexic views of what a body should look like. We need a figure that represents the McDonald's we love; The McDonald's of the '90s:

With Lizzo recently celebrating her 6th month of veganism, the next signature meal has been chosen:


So enough of the demonizing! We are not walking tuba sonnets...
WE'RE TASTEFULLY LARGE AND PROUD! IT'S TIME WE MAKE FAT PHAT AGAIN!