To the shock and disgust of many, a college admissions scandal has ripped through the media this week and what’s been unpacked is absolutely devastating. If you’ve been living under a rock this week then let us fill you in. The FBI recently made their operation, “Varsity Blues,” public by charging 50 people in the case. Those involved have been charged with giving or taking bribes anywhere between $200k to $6.5 million in order to get their children into a certain college (I'm sure there's a legal term for this but the law portion of Fahoo left for the night). Some of the colleges named in the report include Yale, Stanford, Georgetown, Boston University, Northwestern, USC, UCLA, Texas, and Wake Forest. Now if you didn’t notice these aren’t any shit hole schools. We’re not talking about dumpster fires like Central Michigan, Akron, Grambling, or South Carolina. These are top tier schools with a highly competitive list of students trying to get in. So what is the deal?
New Paragraph. The deal is actually pretty insane. Being that Bigleys only reads Yahoo articles and not that fake news garbage on those other sites, I had the initial impression that the only two people charged in this case were Aunt Becky and not Eva Longoria from Desperate Housewives. But when Yahoo dropped in the sentence mentioning that a total of 50 people were involved Bigleys knew he had to put on his big boy journalist pants and Google a minimum of one other article. Lucky for your boy, he got a little too drunk to write the article the night before and Yahoo dropped a new article about one other person. Now that I had 3/50 people involved there was no need for me to go any further. As we like to say here at Fahoo; “If you have 6% of the story you have the whole story.” Now we’ll call this other girl involved, “Lauren Isackson.” It may or may not be her real name. But Lauren’s father paid her way into UCLA by ‘donating’ over $250,000 of Facebook stock to William "Rick" Singer who helped get her into the school. On top of that, in order to get her accepted, for whatever reason, they listed her on the UCLA women's soccer team even though she had never played a single minute of competitive soccer in her entire life. Now I get the $250,000 Facebook stock donation. Those shares are about to crash and the guy probably got a great tax break. Honestly, Bigleys is poor so he doesn’t really know how tax breaks work but I do know that when rich people donate money it’s not because they care, it’s because they make more money by giving money. Straight facts I learned from Concious_Mind_369 on Instagram. What I am shocked about, though, is that this chick has a picture online on their roster and is even listed as a midfielder. What? Even a 12-year-old Bigleys had his suspicions about how he made the swimming team after I tried out in floaties.
But none of this "he said, she said" matters to me. The media is focusing on the wrong narrative. This isn’t about the rich buying their kids into college. We all knew that and if you didn’t you’re lucky we live in such a technologically advanced world because a little mix of pink eye and Darwinism would have taken you out years ago. That being said, the media is only about 6 degrees off of the real narrative and that narrative is: Are the rich the new middle class?
See, there was a time when donating $500k, $750K, shit even a measly $300k, to a college could get you at least a name on a building if not the whole damn thing built. But times have changed. Just imagine the shock on my face when I discovered that I wouldn’t be receiving the same retirement benefits as my hypothetical father after working in the coal mines for 50 plus years. Now imagine being Aunt Becky growing up thinking that maybe, just maybe, if one day she grew up famous and rich her $500,000 donation to a school would ensure her name on a building and guaranteed entry for her kids, only to find out that’s just not the case anymore. It’s not the new middle class’ fault that they had to go through a new sketchy person to fake ACT and SAT scores, bribe college coaches, and pay off testing centers to get their kids in. It’s no different than sneaking your los ninos past the Tijuana border in order to give them a mejor vida.
So I ask you, Alexandra Ocasio Cortez, if you continue to preach about making opportunities equal for both the big and little guy then where are you on this? The new middle class can no longer even compete with the ultra rich. Aunt Becky and Uncle Jesse have worked years for this and all of a sudden their kids are threatened to be kicked out of college, one resorting to being a YouTube star? Some other poor schmuck paid $6.5 million to get their, what must have been, hamster into college. Maybe I’m naive but Bigleys just doesn’t see this 70% tax plan making this an even playing field. It’s sad to see but in today’s world things appear to be staying the same: the rich continue to get richer, and the poor rich are now the new middle class…Thanks a lot, AOC.
