The airline industry has had it’s fair share of bad press lately…United Airlines, as you remember, beat up an old Asian man and dragged him off the plane. American Airlines kicked off an entire family because they smelled like dirty dick hole. I’m going to assume R. Kelly sexually assaulted a 12-year-old on Southwest. Fat people, fat people on all airlines. I see a lot of fat people complaining about airlines. And mainly fat people being fat shamed. But when I saw this story I knew it was different. The story was like a Fahoo article that accidentally came to life. It made me giddy inside. It may be -35 degrees outside as I write this through a polar vortex, but the inside of me feels warm. But enough about me, Mr. Bigleys, and more about the actual story…
The headline read, “Deaf couple allege discrimination by Delta Air Lines agent.” Those 9 words were all I needed to read. I immediately knew that this was my Fahoo article. Forget fat people getting fat-shamed for being fat on an airline. The reality is that 32.2% of Americans are considered obese. That means that 1 out of every 3 flights you take your free bag of pretzels will disappear when you doze off. Fat people are old news, but deaf people…so I read on and what I found was an article written for me by the AP Press which was then reposted but Yahoo Finance (Stepfathers Alcoholic Brother). Why did Fahoo Finance post this article? Mind your own business you fucking narc.
This story begins by explaining that a couple from California was discriminated against in the Detroit Metro Airport. Now I want to say that as someone who grew up in Metro Detroit (What rich white people say when they’re traveling to make it seem like they have street cred) that I believe it’s fair to speak for Detroit when I say that no worker in DTA has ever smiled in their life. Granted, I fly Spirit Airlines because I’m Rich-Poor (kind of like Skinny Fat). But I digress.
Socorro Garcia and Melissa Yingst, the deaf customers, claim that they tried to communicate to the employee through a piece of paper that they wanted to sit next to each other. They then go on to say that the employee crumpled up that piece of paper, threw it in the trash, and proceeded to roll her eyes. But that employee done fucked up and a free food voucher to McDonald’s isn’t going to save this situation. These aren’t just your everyday deaf people, these are the cofounders of, and I quote, “Alma de Muxeristas, a group of Hispanic feminist activists with hearing issues.” In case you’re hard on reading I’m going to put that last part up again: “a group of Hispanic feminist activists with hearing issues.” Now I have to admit I have not looked up the statistics to back this point but, that has to be more of a niche group then Helen Keller’s group, ⠠⠃⠇⠊⠝⠙ ⠠⠙⠑⠁⠋ ⠠⠁⠇⠉⠕⠓⠕⠇⠊⠉ ⠠⠋⠑⠍⠊⠝⠊⠎⠞⠎. Garcia claims that after the paper was tossed out they tried to retrieve it only to have the cops called on them for assault. Garcia later took to Facebook to post a video, which is arguably not the most efficient way to get a message out when it’s strictly in sign language, and signed that she was at a, “loss for words.” A loss for words. Is Yahoo trolling Fahoo? Come on… Next thing you’re going to tell me is that Delta gave them Dre Beats and 20% off the nearby Marriott as an apology?
Anyway, Delta claims other shit like they were stepping behind the desk, yadda, yadda, nobody gives a fuck about what the airline says. I sat back though, and I began to ponder what I’ve read about these airlines. The god awful PR that they’ve received and rightfully so. But then I started thinking deeper and deeper until it came to me: Airlines are the most progressive industry in the world. They don’t care if you’re a rich Asian doctor, jewish, black, a white family that smells like stank dick, fat people, fat people, fat people. or even fat people…None of you are getting on the GODDAMM PLANE. In a world where everyone is racist, sexist, FatPeopleist, it’s good to see that one industry is willing to say fuck it to all of them. So Fahoo takes a stand today… We will continue to take a knee by your decision to kick small people (formerly know as midgets), tall people (formerly known as people), fat people, fat people. fat people, black, white, green, blue, R. Kelly, fat people, monks, or whoever else you want to off the plane AS LONG as it continues to show equality.
Special Fahoo Shoutout: A special shout out to Herb Kelleher, the legendary man who started Southwest Airlines. This guy was a fucking animal. When other airlines matched his prices he decided to start giving the frequent flyers a fifth of whiskey when they flew Southwest and even became Texas’ largest distributor of whiskey. Southwest Airlines has also sponsored this post unknowingly. RIP Herb.
