Another Man O.D.'s — Raising Toxic Masculinity Death Toll To 1,673 Nationwide
Updated: Nov 13, 2019
From the outside looking in, Bryan Parrish's life appeared to be perfect. He was married to his wife, Tanya, for 10 years and fathered 3 beautiful children. His neighbors raved about the man that he was. They describe him as the type of guy who would do anything to help out. As much as Bryan's life projected perfection, a monster was hidden deep down inside of him.
It's an epidemic that's been spreading like an Amazon wildfire. But just like the Amazon forest fires, nobody really gives a fuck. Well, maybe enough to post about it and donate your likes to the people of Brazil, but definitely not enough to really do anything about it. The epidemic, in this case, is, of course, Toxic Masculinity.
For those who don't know, a man's morning looks similar to a woman's; Wake up, eat breakfast, brush your teeth, get dressed, put on the same brand of deodorant given to us in sex ed, etc. Once our Red Spice is applied, a man takes his daily dose of Masculinity. If we stop taking the pill, we slowly transform into a Caitlyn Jenner type caricature.
As many men begin to age, their Masculinity sometimes begins to dip. To fight against that dip, males tend to look for outside sources to purchase more Masculinity than their Government-issued prescription. It used to be easy to find on the free market. Many companies like Ed Hardy used to throw in a free month of Masculinity with a purchase of a tee-shirt. This all changed once the far-left began to push their propaganda. The left pushed the rhetoric of Toxic Masculinity (scientifically known as Masculenza Toxicula), forcing the U.S. government to step in and virtually eliminate the secondary market for Masculinity.
Naturally, men began to looked elsewhere to fuel what they once were. With secondary markets dried up, many men turned to sketchy online dealers. That was precisely when the Chinese Synthetic Masculinity was introduced to the market. Just a drop of it was as potent as a week supply of traditional Masculinity.
Tanya, Bryan's wife, began to grow increasingly worried about her husband after aggressive symptoms started to show. She first noticed the change after Bryan went out and bought truck nutz for his 2009 Toyota Camry. Her concern grew deeper the next day after he took their "Baby on Board" sticker off and replaced it with the "Calvin Peeing" sticker. This was only the beginning, though. In the same week, Bryan would drastically change. Bryan canceled the home security and bought a sign to put in his front yard. It warned that he was a gun owner and that nothing was worth risking your life for inside the house. He began to purposely take up two parking spots in a packed lot. By the time he had bought a diesel truck and started wrestling other neighbor dad's in the front yard, there was no helping him. Bryan would overdose on Masculinity that Friday. The coroner found enough Masculinity inside of Bryan to fuel an entire NFL football team.
It's a devastating addiction that many men just can't seem to beat. Mr Bigleys has even battled through the addiction. I've experienced massive kidney failure after nearly OD'ing on pure, unadulterated, Beast-Mode Masculinity. My addiction was at it's worse when I began to do deadlifts looking away from the mirror and staring straight into the eyes of other gym members. Luckily for me, I was never dosed with Synthetic Masculinity. Eventually, I was able to seek help from a far-left lib to explain the dangers of Masculenza Toxicula and how it affects the people around me.
I used to deny that Masculenza Toxicula was a thing. It took me years to finally admit the addiction was real. In 2019 alone, Toxic Masculinity has claimed 1673 lives and counting, nationwide. 1500 of those deaths have come within the last 3 months. If you have a friend who's struggling with Masculenza Toxicula, please encourage them to reach out to FaHooNews.com's helpline: 1-800-UrA-Twat. You'll be happy you did.