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  • Writer's pictureMr Bigleys

Cardi B Divorce News Offsets the Market

FUCK!! Right when we all thought our investment in Caterpillar Construction Machinery was going to fund our Versace Versace lifestyle.... We better get used to buying our new drip from Instagram Walmart; Fashionova. Don't get me wrong, I love supporting a company that employs THE hot mugshot guy, Jeremey Meeks, but I really wanted to make these thirsty hoes turn to stone when they gazed into my mad fresh Medusa infused Gold Hibiscus Print Two-Toned T-Shirt yo.

FaHoo News relentless reporters managed to land a quote from from both Offset and Cardi B on the tragic divorce (or maybe a rap lyric, or maybe a random quote from any time at all. Context is irrelevant in the news everybody knows that). Offset was quoted saying, "God do everything for a reason." Well technically it's "does" but I'm no grammar nazi. In fact, I'm 100% not going to re-read this article once I'm done writing it. Cardi B was quoted saying, "Get yourself together BITCH! Learn how to budget HOE!" Amen Cardi. Amen.

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